Now that we have a good start on how to tackle my goal; I think it's time for you to tell me how you want me to help you with yours :) Do you want to just come to me with specific instances that occur - or is there a larger more generalized discussion you want to have about acceptance/non-judgment...? I got a feel for what you're going through when you described your goal - but maybe some more specific examples of things that have happened that you don't want to happen again would help me understand.
It seems like the ultimate goal is to get connected with your new community (naturally, the issue with acceptance/non-judgment is currently hindering that). I wish I could say I knew more about what kind of progress you've already made in that area...but sadly I know that we don't talk as much as I wish we did. What kind of steps have you already taken towards connecting with your community? Have you found a new home church/small group?
I'm glad you're on board with blogging - it's so much easier/faster for me to get stuff out in writing than it is on the phone (not to mention us finding common down-time would probably be a nightmare).
So I've done everything under the sun.
ReplyDeleteLast year I started by giving up house hunting for Lent and spending the entire time walking around and trying to connect with community. I went to the library, downtown, community college campus, mom's club, etc
Most people I've met have not been college educated, highly materialistic and the women liked to chat about useless stuff that I have a hard time connecting to.
We started going to a church and meeting with the pastor about getting involved there. But no one is really friendly.
I continue to try to be open but I have yet to meet people that I really can connect to.
Recently I met a woman at the Rotary club who happens to be starting a new business. It turns out that the heart of her business is the core of my competence. But she has relatively little experience in it. Its great for me cause she's good at networking and will get us lots of clients but I'm doing a lions share of getting us set up.
So in talking to Ulrich and I think Ulrich listening me talk to others he feels like I speak in such a way that puts others down or make me superior. As I reflect, I imagine that I do that. I think in general, Naabs do that.
I need to recognize that just because I'm not connecting with people doesn't make them suck, it just means that we don't have good chemistry. And just cause my business partner lady doesn't know what shes doing with technology doesn't mean that she doesn't know what she's doing (she's in fact very competent).
I think what I need are regular chats about what's going on in my life and a push to remember that I'm not better than others and I need to be more humble.
I'm guessing our discussions about faith will naturally do this, but I think you need to tease it out of me --- does this make you better than that person? are you showing God's love and meeting them where they are?
I think the "superior talk" definitely can be an issue for Naabs at times - I feel like I've seen it cause tension for multiple family members in their relationships with each other and with "outsiders" so to speak. I think I have a better idea of what's going on, and how some consistent talks about your life can help. I'm a little reflected-out at the moment, so I'll try to speak to some of your more specific concerns tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteI am wondering how many churches you've shopped around at - I can't even count how many Adam and I have been to in Kalamazoo searching for the best fit for us. Maybe you need to branch out a little more in your search; not sure if you've checked out non-denoms or not, or even just any denom - if you and Ulrich are comfortable with searching outside of just Lutheran churches it might expand your options in the area.
Side note: talked to Toni and we both kind of want to piggyback off each other's goals - so I invited her to the blog so we can have some real three-way goal lovin :)