Chapter 2: The Go-It Alone Culture

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10  Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.  For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion.  But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.

It is so true that we live in a very isolationist culture...we're conditioned to not seek help from each other - against our own nature.  And when we do have the desire to seek out help/companionship we get in our own way because it feels awkward.  The benefits can be amazing, but you also open yourself up for disappointment and pain...it feels like a personal blow when you reach out to someone and you don't get as much as you give in return.  I especially feel that way with women - throughout most of my life I found it much easier to socialize and befriend males...I've had a very small circle of female friends over the years and it really hurt me when I was burned by them.  It took me a long time to forgive...

I'm so grateful that I now have a close circle of women around me that I can go to :-D  I have tried to take advantage of that blessing throughout the pregnancy so far...and I hope that the sisterhood will grow even stronger as our children grow together (present and future).

My List of Women I can Walk with:

Sara Schaff

Meg Naab

Toni Naab (even though you're not a mom yet, you have way more experience with young children than I do, so I say you count! haha) 

Tabithah Ringe

Diana Ceo

I would love to be able to take the book's advice and get everyone together (some virtual togetherness would obviously have to play some part) once a month - not only to encourage each other in faith and motherhood, but also just to get some quality female time :-)

Chapter 1: Ideals and Going Under

Isaiah 41:10  Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous hand.

In all stages of life this has been my weakness - giving up my fears and anxieties to God and trusting that things will work out the way they are supposed to, whether I understand the plan right away or not.  From apartment searches to job searches, to the move across the state followed by a house search and more job searches, to the decision of whether or not it was time to try to get pregnant to coming to terms with what that really means...the list goes on.

Now I fear whether or not I can really handle this - what have I gotten myself into?!?!?!?!  I fear the third trimester struggles, the labor, the birth, the being responsible for keeping a tiny helpless human alive and healthy... I fear not being able to be the mom I want to be.  Years ago I changed my career path and pursued becoming a teacher because I believed it would be a better fit for the kind of mom I want to be - one who is nurturing, involved, creative and fun...who has time for her kids every day, who can plan fun family vacations for the summer...  The pregnancy has thus far made me seriously doubt that decision.  I come home so exhausted and with so much work still to do - grading, lesson planning - that I have begun to seriously doubt my ability to balance work and family.  Everyone kept saying that my energy would come back in my second trimester, it didn't.  With a more grueling third trimester on the horizon followed by a baby I can't help but assume that it's just all been downhill from the start - when am I ever going to feel like I can do it all again?  

Logically I tell myself that if I'm actually able to keep the same job for once the workload will be decreased - I would actually be able to re-use lesson plans and materials etc... But I can't help but fear the possibility of being laid off again.  Pinckney, and many districts in the area, is strapped for cash.  We're losing enrollment and funding...which means the belt keeps on tightening.  And because staffing is still done by seniority here I pretty much have no prayer if there is any room to downsize staff for next school year.  I honestly don't believe I could handle the stress of another teaching job search or a year of a new district/curriculum with a newborn.  So then I start wondering...what other jobs would I be interested in looking for?  And there I go down the rabbit hole...

Anyway, I try to keep reminding myself that I'm not doing myself any good by worrying about it all - but it's so hard to do, especially being the planner that I am.

Close eyes.

Deep breath.

Let go.

Trust.

Pray.

Matthew 11:28 Come to Me, all who are weary and heavyladen, and I will give you rest

While this is true emotionally and spiritually, it is unfortunately...unless God can give me more hours in the day... not true physically :-/