Second Post: Faith Together

So I remember you asking me what Lutherans believe so that you might get a better perspective on Adam's beliefs. I feel pretty safe in saying that Adam's beliefs are likely to be all over the map. I decided better to do a series of posts on theological differences among the various churches out there and worship styles (tying back to the history of were various church practices came from)

But before I do that, I wanted to post about the importance of developing a joint faith. Contiuning to communicate about what feeds your faith and the struggles you have in faith so that you can support each other in the journey. Finding a church is for both of you and raising your children and what you teach them about God is also from both of you. You should be feel 100% authentic -- even if in the beginning it involves compromise.

Ulrich came from a very traditional background (churchwise). He went to a very litergical service (lots of reading in the bulletion) with classical music (nothing was ever newer than 1800). I came from St. Luke's. Very charismatic. Holy Spirit lead. (which is incredibly not Lutheran BTW). Both Ulrich and I, grew up in Misourri Synod Lutheran Churches. Which meant there were particular seminaries where our pastors learned theology. There were certain rules about who could lead various parts of worship. There were practices of first communion and confirmation.

In Davis, we setttled in the Evangelical Lutheran Church -- which is actually quite different. It is the liberal verion of the Lutheran church - female pastors, most of the congregation are dems, the bible isn't intrepreted so literally. The church had 3 services - 2 in the morning that were rather structured and traditional. 1 in the evening which was "alternative."  We went to both as a compromise. Ulrich sang in the choir and I learned some of the joy in why people read litergies. The evening service was a bit different for both of us, in that it wasn't "contemporary" or in the same style as most non-liturgical services with singing, prayer then message. Rather it was experimental. We sang, sometimes we baked bread or did art projects, sometimes we had prayer services lighting candles and sitting in silence. I found it was the heart of how I love to worship. Actions that have deep connections with the word and many ways to come together in prayer.

We both were really fed by the combination of things at our old church and our faith's have grown together. Our worship styles are more simliar. Ulrich wants more than a traditional service now. I want more than the classic "contemporary" service. While the hybrid that we enjoy is hard to find, we are both more flexible and open to more worship settings than we were before.

I say all this because as you grow in your marraige. Adam is the most important person with whom you will continue to walk. Dialog about what feeds you and what you need from church is important. It is also important to push each other to "grow" to look beyond where you are now and see if God has a richer, deeper experience out there for you.

I was incredibly biased against weathly people. I felt my call was to serve the impoverished of the world. And God called me to love more deeply, more openly. And led me to lead that evening worship service at my church. To grow the body of believers by reaching out to cynical middle class athiests and showing them how God can exist. I was blessed by that experience and have come away with a deeper understanding of God. But it wasn't without discomfort. It took time for me to learn to be at home in a church that was different from what I was used to. But I knew that God wanted me there....

So...

some rambling about church....

First of many posts: A Bit of Background

So, your church is awesome! I can see why you have a difficult time finding a new place. The music, the pace -- its both heartfelt and intellectual. The pastor is a cool guy who really explains things and the musicians are incredbily talented.

So if you are wondering why I was lukewarm just after the service, I want to give you some background:

When Ulrich was in 2nd grade, he did a book report on Dante's Inferno (not light reading for a little kid). Around that same time and for the years following, his family experienced a number of tragities. His uncle died suddenly, his uncle's wife commited suicide and his grandparents died. From that point, he lost his childhood. He wrestled with deep issues of faith - heaven, hell, life, death. The more he learned the more he had a difficult time understanding it all.

His father is an interesting man. He is deeply educated in the sciences and he went to seminary but didn't become a pastor. So -- he taught Ulrich every detail about how the universe functions and the complete history of the Bible (including the inconsistancies, historical flaws, etc).

Ulrich was left with a crisis of faith that has lead him to deep anxiety -- Does God really exist? Is afterlife real? His heart so wants to believe but his mind can't wrap around it.

When we got married, he embraced feeling for the first time. He let go and let love into his life. It was for him the greatest miracle to love and to be loved. And his aniexty and issues with faith dissappeared. God lead us to a church that was intellectual -- where people had deep understanding of science and the bible and we discussed doubts and possibilities openly. It deepened both of our faiths greatly to have a community that we could engage with and the Holy Spirit spoke to us and worked through us during that time. We saw many people come to faith.

Moving to Livermore has been a call to the wilderness. Our marraige has come along in time and Eddie is around eating up marraige points. We haven't found that community of believers who can talk deeply and openly about faith with us. In total, this has brought Ulrich back to a place of anxiety. Fearing death. Fearing eternity. Fearing the unknown.

For Lent this year we dived into his anxiety. We worked on our marriage and making space to love each other. We talked deeply about life and death. And we struggled together with the concepts of eternity, spirits, death, afterlife, ressurection. We had a hope that the season of lent - the time of Jesus's wilderness we would struggle with these things. But that Easter, in its joy, would raise us up to a time of life, peace and closeness with God. Lent and Easter have always been intense for us -- they have always been times of spiritual renewal.

This year, however, the struggle has stretched a bit beyond Easter. We made break-throughs but even a few days before I left, we were in deep conversations about death still.

SOOOOO....

To hear a sermon on death with so many pointed assumptions about the mechanics of how we get to heaven and how it all works was the absolute worst sermon for me to hear last week. I was done about hearing about Jesus on the cross and ready to hear about a Jesus who is alive and among us today.

So I apologize about being a little sour.