So, I was chatting with mom last night and she commented that like all other smart people I can come off as an arrogant prick. I know its true and at the heart of this goal of mine is to not come off that way. But I have some grave challenges:
1. I'm an extrovert. If I think it or feel it, there's a good chance I'll say it.
2. Its really hard to "not be right" sometimes -- especially when objectively I am right
I talked to Ulrich about being genuinely open to other people's ideas and allowing things to go in ways that are "suboptimal." I think a lot of the time I can do this, but there are sometimes when it grates against my soul and it drives me nuts. In these cases, if I have the grace to actually let go and let someone else do it the "wrong" way, then I nearly always need to vent later or my emotions will fester.
Venting later means that I talk poorly of someone (or sarcastically) also against the heart of the goal.
Acceptance, the deep letting go, is hard. In realms of faith, I have an easier time...or at least, I've learned that I can let go and trust God and not have to control things. But other people -- I think its harder because people, unlike God, are not perfect and they suck sometimes.
It seems that there are moments when you can't stand by and you need to stand up and be an arrogant prick -- or be right -- but then, blessed are the meek.
As a Type A perfectionist who wants EVERYTHING done the RIGHT way - I totally get where you're coming from on this. Here's what has helped me:
ReplyDelete1) I remind myself that: "I'm not perfect, SOMETIMES other people actually do have better ideas than I do."
2) I ask myself if it REALLY matters if something is done the way I want it to be, or if the end product will be the same if I get over myself and let them do it their way
3) I play a mind game with myself, putting myself in a win-win-win situation. If I get to the point where I really do think my way is WAY better than theirs I suggest my way just once. (Now, since I'm usually doing this with Adam it often results in him doing it my way because he's learned that I'm usually right haha...) This allows the following results: A) They choose my way because they think it's better too - I WIN! B) They do it their way and it up realizing that my way would have been better; which means I get to do the "I told you so" dance in my head - I WIN! or C) Their way actually ends up being decent or better than mine and I learn something valuable that I can use in the future - I WIN!
Silly? Pretty much... Effective? Most of the time... Stress preventitive? Definitely... (as long as you can actually make yourself pause and think these things through before going on the attack...something I am continuously struggling with)
I hope this is the kind of advice you're looking for? If not give me an idea of what you want from me :)
WOW! I went to add a comment and had to delete everything because it wasn't nice (not towards you, towards people in society). I'll start with something positive - I also go through a method similar to Kelsey's. My problem is for the 2nd win. I don't do the "I told you so dance" in my head, I freak out in my head and wait til they leave or walk away and fix whatever was wrong. I can't help myself!
ReplyDeleteSara- I like what you are doing! We did something similar in my TE803 class (Reflect and Inquire Teaching through Mathematics). We started off our class by saying how we were smart in math. We all had to write on a sentence strip "I am smart at math because I can..."
Our first assignment was to analyze our students and document how they were smart. Even if it was "So Andso is good at math because he can count to 10" (and it was a 4th grade classroom). It was a start to see all students in a positive way, instead of seeing them as what they cannot do (which happens a lot with checklists we are required to keep). Also, we kept it going all semester and added things for every student as they excelled. It was a really good feeling looking at everything my students were smart at in just a few months.
Good replies ladies. More to come.... buried under baby and housework. Hugs
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