So you've been wondering what you can help with. Here's a bit of verbal diareahh to get the ball rolling.... excuse the randomness of this post. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say.
Well sister, this blog might help you to see that no matter how far down the path of faith one might be -- it never fully resolves itself. As much as I thought I knew what God was up to over here, I am left now, in Lent, in the Wilderness, wondering WTF?
I'm trying my best at my new sister-in-laws Biblestudy. But I got in trouble for swearing. They are really hardcore and don't appreciate so much my relaxed views on faith. I am connecting with them dispite difficulties. The Biblestudy is about marraige and I'm the only one there who has been married for more than a year. So as they bring up issues in marraige I have plenty to share and am not afraid to talk about my life or issues that Ulrich and I have had along the road. It seems to be helpful for them.
I'm studying Romans with Ulrich now and trying to make sense of all the theological differences among all the different churches out there. Realizing the flavor of my faith is distinctly Lutheran. Much of what I believe doesn't jive with what they believe. As they are more Baptist / Non-denominational in their theology.
Also, The girl who moved into the back house has stopped really talking to me and I don't know why and the pastor of our church won't respond to my emails. The church feels daunting and uninviting...even though I've been trying to carve out a space for us there. So again I feel disconnected ... do I need to dig deeper? Am I still not accepting? Or am I not accepting what God has for me? Why can't I connect with people? Or do I not accept the level at which I am connecting with people.
It feels like a wheel out of balance. Wobbly. I feel disjointed and out of place in my communications with people. At the same time, I keep having a sense that I want to pastor folks. Start a church or a new ministry. Or help a pastor build their church. I'm not sure what it is exactly but I feel restless.
Biblestudy - you could look at it two ways I suppose 1) you can use it as an opportunity to open their eyes to the fact that a relaxed faith is not "bad" faith and maybe, in return, help them be more accepting of other forms of Christianity... OR 2) maybe this is an opportunity for you to practice your humility (not sure if that's the right word or not) and hold yourself back. Either way, it's definitely good that you're able to provide them with experienced marriage advice.
ReplyDeleteWhat makes your faith distinctly Lutheran? (it would probably give me some better insight into how Adam sees/interprets things)
Church/Relationships: I'm not sure how much guidance I can give here because it's been an area of dysfunction in my life lately too. Adam and I still have not found a church in Kalamazoo that lives up to our expectations...it's a very frustrating experience. I guess it makes me wonder if you're confident that you're at the right church to begin with? Even though Adam and I have been frustrated with our search, I do still believe that it's worthwhile to find the perfect fit. As far as the relationships part goes, I feel like we're very similar in what we want from relationships. I've always kind of been an all or nothing type of friend - when I commit myself to a friendship I totally put myself out there and I am very giving of myself; the only problem with that is that I expect the same in return, which doesn't always happen. Adam has tried to help me understand that not everyone is like that, that other people are completely satisfied with having "acquaintance-friends." I guess what I'm trying to say is that maybe you just need to come to terms with accepting the level at which other people are comfortable committing themselves to you. Easier said than done, I know, but...maybe that's where you're at right now. The other thing that Adam has tried to get me to do is to ask myself, honestly, just how much work that particular relationship is worth. As far as the girl who's renting from you goes...how important is it that you have a relationship more than that of a landlord/tenant?
Maybe your true calling there is to help build the type of church that you're looking for...maybe that's why you don't feel at home at the church you're attending now.
I still want your thoughts on this!!! Responses to my questions/if this was helpful in any way? Is this the kind of response you're wanting from me?
ReplyDeleteya, its useful. Dialog is good.
ReplyDeleteIn terms of my faith being "Lutheran" Lutherans are all about grace. That above all, its about what Jesus did and what God is doing. I'm not sure if Adam is theologically in the same place as me. Our family is actually all over the map.
Our church growing up was Lutheran but as I reflect there were some hints of non-denominational theology there too. This theology points to a moment of grace that you accept Jesus as your personal Lord and savior and from that moment you are a new person. Lutheran theology sees faith more as a journey that doesn't have an exact "moment of salvation."
As we blog I will try to post about theological differences among the different churches. It may help you see the "flavors" of christianity that are out there --- its pretty diverse.